Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In today's Republican Party, there's a term for people who hate charity and love killing: 'Christian.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
North Carolina right now is going apeshit in a way no state ever has. Take every crazy, angry idea your drunk, right-wing… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In Washington, the air quality today was described as 'red.'...You know what 'red' is? It's bad for everyone. Not just old people,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's nine months before the election and Bush's poll numbers have fallen to the exact level that his father's poll numbers were… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California's $38 billion… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share
![“Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d55/bill-maher-211_liberal-media_every-time-rand-paul-opens-his-mouth-it_282789.png)
