Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I think about death all the time, but only in a romantic, self-serving way, beginning, most often, with my tragic illness and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“After a year, you realize it takes time to rail against injustice, time you might better spend questioning fondue or describing those… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“My confessions did nothing to alter this situation, but for the first time in my life I felt that somebody actually knew… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I look into the future and see my brother's face, impossibly middle-aged. His daughter has rejected all of his values, and stands… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share
I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression:… — David Sedaris Copy Share
I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot… — David Sedaris Copy Share
