You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. — Albert Schweitzer Copy Share Image
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online. — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If… — Dylan Brody Copy Share Image
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that… — Ellen Orleans Copy Share Image
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, to praise the Lord with feast and song in thankfulness of… — Arthur Guiterman Copy Share Image
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity;… — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
He who thanks but with the lips Thanks but in part; The full, the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart. — John G. Shedd Copy Share Image
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. — Nicole Hollander Copy Share Image
It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing… — Cornelius Plantinga Copy Share Image
