Television Quotes by John Mulaney

I don't know if there's a strategy really so much as, like I learned doing standup and had to learn fast, you always just…

— John Mulaney

I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it's a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So…

— John Mulaney

If I was at the Comedy Cellar at midnight you yelled at the back of the room. But you, for television, play it to…

— John Mulaney

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it…

— John Mulaney

You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You…

— John Mulaney

With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.

— John Mulaney

Part of standup is being loose and having a good time yourself and that translates to the audience.

— John Mulaney

Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.

— John Mulaney

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

— John Mulaney

Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many…

— John Mulaney

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've…

— John Mulaney

I look back on being 17 and think, 'Oh my God, how did I not die?'

— John Mulaney

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

— John Mulaney

In every case, I find pre-planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy. You know comedy once you're doing it.

— John Mulaney

Most open-mic experiences I had were okay.

— John Mulaney