In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking to them directly through the screen. I'm with about 500 of these people, and I'm on TV every Friday night. As I was queuing up… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and say, 'Hello, my name's Paul, will you be my friend?' But I found if I did an impression of the PE teacher or whatever and… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told Ken Dodd to get his teeth fixed. But those… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night, we were sitting backstage when Morrissey burst in, utterly… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked - it's all about dedication, tunnel vision, pursuit of perfection,… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking to them directly through the screen. I'm with about… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
Maybe there's a perception of me as grumpy old bugger who suffers from depression. It's a total misconception. I don't think of myself as… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't,… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't? — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
