“Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled, which had… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“The Macedonian Endeavour Channel was screening live coverage of the world series of the Who’s Got the Stupidest Name (WGSN) competition. First prize had… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“I once went to one of his Virgin Vie parties and had a really good time watching Chas having a paddy whilst trying to… — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
“Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
