“While you weren’t “born shy,” you were born dependent. As an infant, you relied on your parents for all your personal care. But as you grew older, the natural progression was toward independence, toward the separateness of adulthood. If you… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ . . . Because of a lack of self-confidence and an inability to function independently . . .” It may be easier to let others do things for you—whether large or small—but if you consider it honestly, you will eventually see that giving over your responsibilities has undercut your self-confidence. Because you don’t do something, it may feel as… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is the reference manual used by mental health professionals to diagnose psychological problems, defines the avoidant personality disorder by saying that this personality type has the “ essential feature of hypersensitivity to potential rejection, humiliation, or shame . . . .” Avoidant people are always afraid of “messing up,” “saying or… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ Body Orientation When someone does approach and speak to you, pay careful attention to the extent to which you face that person. Facing someone directly communicates an interest in him or her, while turning the body away indicates a desire to avoid interaction. Similarly, when you are talking to someone, watch to see whether his or her body is… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ Three Opening Topics of Conversation Use your information-gathering skills to devise topics that would interest you both. As your conversation proceeds, listen carefully to the answers to your questions; they will provide you with material for further conversation. 1. The situation you’re both in. For example, if you meet someone in a continuing-education class, you know that you share… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ Nodding You can nod your head to show that you are listening and understanding what is being said. Nodding is a sign of approval, and encourages the speaker to continue talking. How often should you do it? Try not to nod mechanically throughout the conversation. Instead, choose to nod when you especially agree with what is being said. By… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ Posture The first impression you make is likely to be from several feet away. An observer will assess your approachability from a general analysis of how you stand, so the right posture is something to be considered. A closed posture—sitting with arms and legs crossed, often with a hand covering the mouth or chin—gives the signal: “Stay away, I’m… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“These days, there are many different ways to enjoy yourself, and the interactive requirements vary considerably, so it wouldn’t be too hard to find a group or event that allows you to function at your own sociability level. As you move forward through this self-help program, remind yourself that interactive health contributes to your overall health and longevity. Talking with… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ LOW SELF-ESTEEM Characteristic of most people with social anxiety is low self-esteem. I showed you the sequence in Chapter 1. What is the connection between low self-esteem and social anxiety? A person who has experienced years of failure and frustration will suffer from a lack of self-confidence unless he or she learns appropriate strategies that can break the cycle… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ Courting and Friendship Reciprocals Reciprocals are the signals people give each other to indicate an interest in companionship. When there is physical attraction, these signals include smiling, repeated glances (perhaps with an extra second or two of direct eye contact), and straightening or smoothing of clothes.” — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“ The Resume Your resume is like an advertisement for you as a job candidate. It should present you in the best possible light. Consult reference books for appropriate formats. Styles vary, but a resume should be typewritten or typeset, with your name and address clearly displayed at the top, and your employment history and educational background listed below in… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“It may help you to jot down a few notes to alleviate any fear of becoming tongue-tied—your name, the position or company you are interested in, how you can be reached, any questions you may have. You won’t be reading it verbatim, but it may be comforting to refer back to it now and then as your conversation progresses. Know… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share
“This portion of the chapter is directed at those of you whose son or daughter or other relative is in denial about his or her social life. No matter what your relationship is to this person, you need to tell yourself—daily, if necessary—that it is okay to want this person to become independent. Right now, the person is a burden… — Jonathan Berent Copy Share