Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader…Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes people say, do you want a drink? And I say, oh, I'd like to, but I'm a tragic alcoholic. I always… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Across town, over in the East Village, the graffiti was calling for the rich to be eaten, imprisoned, or taxed out of… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There are a lot of college writing textbooks that will include essays and short stories, and after reading the story or essay,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It is never appropriate to comment on a woman's breasts. I would never do it on the street or at a supermarket,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Performance is really an important part of how I edit. I sometimes take something out because I realize I put in a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share
I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression:… — David Sedaris Copy Share
I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot… — David Sedaris Copy Share
