They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple.… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
We are always making more and more stuff in the world. You know; big buildings, big planes, big boats and that. Will we ever… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
