I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I wanted to do a talk show that reminded me of the old school ones I loved as a kid, without all the fake… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I think that… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
With 'Mouthful of Shame,' all of my fans or the majority of them said it's the best thing you've ever done and that meant… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
