I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life. — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass. — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Be careful who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm… — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I… — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
“I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking...scared the hell out of me. So that's it, after today...no more reading” — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
If you have a problem, tell it to my butt, its the only one that gives a crap! — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog. — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate. — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Hey hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He told me he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my clothes off. — Peter Griffin Copy Share
Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the… — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
