Oh god Quotes by Peter Griffin

Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!

— Peter Griffin

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass.

— Peter Griffin

Be careful who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm…

— Peter Griffin

Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I…

— Peter Griffin

I'd say, 'Come again?' and I'd laugh as I said, 'Come.'

— Peter Griffin

“I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking...scared the hell out of me. So that's it, after today...no more reading”

— Peter Griffin

If you have a problem, tell it to my butt, its the only one that gives a crap!

— Peter Griffin

Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

— Peter Griffin

Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate.

— Peter Griffin

Hey hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He told me he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my…

— Peter Griffin

Holy Crip it's a crapple.

— Peter Griffin

Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the…

— Peter Griffin