“Well, there's two kinds of peeing...There's regular peeing, because you have to pee. And then there's auxiliary competitive peeing. For acquiring empire. I'm all about the real estate.” — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
“Why do you always come in to kiss me while I'm on the toilet?" I asked. "Makes us feel close to you," Chuck said, surprised I would ask. "Peeing is one of the special things we share.” — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
More than any other personality trait, my mother seemed to be ruled by anger and sadness. She seemed to hate being a mother. Watching… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
The whole narcissism and echo syndrome is usually the result of early childhood training. Those are very hard habits for anyone to break. — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
I really enjoyed Merrill Markoe's Guide To Glamorous Living, which was a weird hybrid reality/sketch thing I wrote, directed, and hosted, with two male-model… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
It's surely no accident that there are horoscopes in Vogue, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Woman, New Woman, Elle and Cosmo ... but not Sports Illustrated, GQ,… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
Beware the old man in young guy's clothes. If he's over 35 and comes to pick you up looking as though he's headed for… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
“Maybe this is kind of cliche, but animals, well, dogs, are what I do for a living. One reason I like spending time with… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date. — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
“I'm clear with all my bitches...I hump her till she bites me. Then it's adios bitches, time for BALL.” — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness. — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
When anyone lacks self-awareness and doesn't recognize their transparencies, it's always funny. — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
