I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,'… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
