I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault -… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Even though I have a zero relationship with my mother in law, she still insists I call her mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Interfering, judgmental, and disrespectful mothers-in-law are common complaints. — Emily Yoffe Copy Share Image
“Surely,' I said, 'you don't think that you are going to die because you dreamed you saw your old father; if one… — H. Rider Haggard Copy Share Image
I don't think I'd like Manhattan anymore. My mother-in-law lives there, and you go there. But I like looking at it from… — Martin Amis Copy Share Image
“I was thinking of murder, mutilation and dessert like Ignacia Sandoval’s instructions for delectable empanadas made of minced mother-in-law’s tongue (said to… — Sandra Ramos O'Briant Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
“They're horrible little creatures. All snot and smelly feet and pestering questions." "Then why did you go into teaching?" "It was either… — Brian Francis Copy Share Image
In the case of maternal health care, you look at, well naturally, it's the mother who's the customer, who makes the decisions.… — Jacqueline Novogratz Copy Share Image
The best compliment that has ever been given to me was, I was at the airport one day and a guy came… — Lionel Richie Copy Share Image
The perfect family doesn't exist, nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife, and let's not talk about the perfect… — Pope Francis Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
“Peter remained on friendly terms with Christ notwithstanding Christ's having healed his mother-in-law.” — Samuel Butler Copy Share Image
The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology. — James G. Frazer Copy Share Image
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though. — Vladimir Zhirinovsky Copy Share Image
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her… — Lyndon B. Johnson Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly and… — Wilbur Smith Copy Share Image
A lot of women have trouble with their mothers-in-law.” Raphael’s look was priceless. “My mother is an insane archangel. — Nalini Singh Copy Share Image
“while your mother in law still lives, domestic harmony / is out of the question.” — Juvenal Copy Share Image
If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that… — Laura Schlessinger Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac. — David Mamet Copy Share Image
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.' — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
“I’m creating a self help show called Self Talk. I’ll insult myself for an hour then open phone lines to a fitness… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
A bride who is bullied by her mother-in-law will herself become a bad mother-in-law. — Sin-Itiro Tomonaga Copy Share Image
You know what's great about having an imaginary girlfriend? Imaginary mother-in-law! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid. — Ian Botham Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
Personally, I wear a lot of my mother-in-law's chiffons and my mother's silk. But when I buy saris for myself, then they… — Sonali Bendre Copy Share Image
