Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't know what you can possibly do for less than $50 to have somebody come in your house. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
See, when the GOVERNMENT spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of TAXPAYERS, God only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The best way to understand this whole issue is to look at what the government does: it takes money from some people,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I say we scrap the current system and replace it with a system wherein you add your name to the bottom of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Of course, the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Of all the wonderful things government says, that's always been just about my favorite. As opposed to if you get to keep… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My mother told me, “Son, it is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.” I have tried very hard… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
