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World Quotes by Dave Barry

38 World quotes by Dave Barry

All World quotes Dave Barry’s page

A crowded Louvre hallway is filled with the backs of tourists, a funny image that shows how people crowd around art. The quotes also poke fun at grammar rules, the absurdity of marriage as a business, and the mystery of where electricity goes after leaving a toaster.

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There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.

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To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

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Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find…

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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

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Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of…

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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

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The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only…

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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.

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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing…

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What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your…

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The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the…

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Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their…

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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized…

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The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community,…

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A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost…

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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25…

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If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when…

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We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though…

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The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…

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You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -…

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I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really…

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SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which…

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Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can…

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For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read "American Caesar" by William Manchester, the…

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Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like…

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The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962.

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Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time.

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I also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left behind, spending hundreds of millions…

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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural…

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What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,…

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You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of…

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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.

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The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of…

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I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if…

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What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading…

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You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not…

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You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they…

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The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something…

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More by Dave Barry

This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…

The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…

He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…

“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…

Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.