Men Quotes by Dave Barry

The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.

— Dave Barry

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain…

— Dave Barry

Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died…

— Dave Barry

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

— Dave Barry

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship…

— Dave Barry

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant…

— Dave Barry

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.

— Dave Barry

Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what…

— Dave Barry

Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The…

— Dave Barry

“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. "Hey, YOU!" are the sea's exact…

— Dave Barry

Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of…

— Dave Barry

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed…

— Dave Barry

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees…

— Dave Barry

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only…

— Dave Barry

The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing…

— Dave Barry

On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that…

— Dave Barry

Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for…

— Dave Barry

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body…

— Dave Barry

I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a…

— Dave Barry

One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night…

— Dave Barry

The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…

— Dave Barry

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved…

— Dave Barry

I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many…

— Dave Barry

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand…

— Dave Barry

If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts…

— Dave Barry

No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.

— Dave Barry

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact…

— Dave Barry

The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in…

— Dave Barry

Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking…

— Dave Barry

Men have no cause to criticize women about the way they are about weddings. Because men are like that about sports, but…

— Dave Barry

In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than…

— Dave Barry

...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars…

— Dave Barry

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,…

— Dave Barry

You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not…

— Dave Barry

Thus the white men and Native Americans were able, through the spirit of goodwill and compromise, to reach the first in what…

— Dave Barry

The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something…

— Dave Barry

We constantly see surveys that reveal this ignorance, especially among our high school students,78 percent of whom, in a recent nationwide multiple-choice…

— Dave Barry