“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.” — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rub warm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my throat and… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“As her lungs pumped and her head cleared, she wondered if all the effort she’d put into blotting out the pain had deadened her… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire world. Unless, of course, Hairy had been out here in his… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it. — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who recommended never… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk biscuit and… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“That’s the kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn. That dress isn’t… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
I wanted to be strong when I went back to Persuasion. Strong and beautiful and totally together. I dreamed of the day I’d get… — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
“Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere” — Susan Donovan Copy Share Image
