Susan Donovan

“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a…

— Susan Donovan

“A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain…

— Susan Donovan

“And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rub warm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my…

— Susan Donovan

“As her lungs pumped and her head cleared, she wondered if all the effort she’d put into blotting out the pain had…

— Susan Donovan

“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire world. Unless, of course, Hairy had been out here…

— Susan Donovan

I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.

— Susan Donovan

“She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who…

— Susan Donovan

“Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk…

— Susan Donovan

“That’s the kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn. That…

— Susan Donovan

I wanted to be strong when I went back to Persuasion. Strong and beautiful and totally together. I dreamed of the day…

— Susan Donovan

“Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere”

— Susan Donovan