You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I saw a man at the beach screaming, 'Help, shark, help!' I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You… — Tina Yothers Copy Share Image
I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because… — Paul Feig Copy Share Image
I always felt that I was more of an actress than a - I can't tell a joke to save my soul,… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
I suppose I'm going on stage and making jokes about the fact that the audience are expecting the show to be about… — Andrew Lawrence Copy Share Image
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing… — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
I was hurt so deep that I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made… — Jimmy Durante Copy Share Image
My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate. And she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. You know,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I look at my audience, I can tell better who's in the crowd and the kind of joke I shouldn't do.… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Ever since I was little, people would always make jokes about my low voice. But I think it's so cool that you… — Miley Cyrus Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is seen as a joke. If Putin wanted anybody to win the 2016 election, it would have been Hillary Clinton,… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
This is a collaboration between a complex analyst, a dynamical system expert, and an arithmetical algebraic geometer. It sounds like a joke,… — Jordan Ellenberg Copy Share Image
There were some particular themes that I knew I wanted to hit, and when I got deeper into the project I found… — Moshe Kasher Copy Share Image
“Okay, that one's pretty good," Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about… — Bridget Zinn Copy Share Image
“telling the jokes—was the setups. Why were that priest, that rabbi, and that minister walking down that street? Where were they headed?… — Donald E. Westlake Copy Share Image
My 6 year old niece just told me she loved me, then pointed at chocolates and asked me to buy one. ALL… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don't really have a problem with it. I don't… — Phil Collins Copy Share Image
I think one of my first jokes - in the black community, there's people who have jokes about skin tone. People like,… — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
My whole life is a practical joke. Every evening and every show has really become about entertaining me. I was always like… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
The reasons I never set out to do a talk show is they're formulaic. People come out, tell jokes and read questions.… — Harry Connick, Jr Copy Share Image
My own personal rule is to tell jokes that I think the person I'm making them about can laugh at, to go… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke.… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
My friend Myron tells me, 'Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when… — Joey Adams Copy Share Image
A form of intellectual productiveness, therein lies its peculiar charm. Intellectual productiveness is one of the greatest joys - if not the… — Siegbert Tarrasch Copy Share Image
But while I'd be their daughter, while I'd eat the roast and come home from dates and wash the dishes, I would… — Judy Blundell Copy Share Image
There are elements of that, where you'll see a scene again and you'll recognize it, but I wouldn't say it's got one… — Mitchell Hurwitz Copy Share Image
I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
One day... A nude guy was sunbathing on a beach... He has no clothes at all and there came this little girl… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The difficulty in the way of writing a children's play is that Barrie was born too soon. Many people must have felt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch… — Mike Epps Copy Share Image
It's interesting, once I have convinced people that, yes, I have a sister with a mental disability, the retard jokes really dry… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
In his recent book, When Brute Force Fails, UCLA's Kleiman argues that new strategies for targeting repeat offenders--including reforms to make probation… — David Von Drehle Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Republican candidate George Pataki said his dogs would give him the best endorsement for becoming our next president. Until they hear Chris… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Perhaps there can be too much making of cups of tea, I thought, as I watched Miss Statham filling the heavy teapot.… — Barbara Pym Copy Share Image
I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Few years ago [Donald] Trump was being roasted by Comedy Central. They always have rules about things that you can't joke about.… — Ben Domenech Copy Share Image
![“Few years ago [Donald] Trump was being roasted by Comedy Central. They always have rules about things that you can't joke about. Donald Trump's rule at that time, the only thing that you couldn't joke about was a suggestion that he has less money that he claimed to.” quote by Ben Domenech](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/738/ben-domenech-4128_comedy_few-years-ago-donald-trump-was-being-roa_2024225.jpg)
