Mom: Hey honey, who are you talking too? Me; My boyfriend. Mom; Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment... — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three… — Elspeth Huxley Copy Share Image
I was just, you know, kind of getting racist jokes, kind of being isolated from the group. So it was definitely hard.… — Gabby Douglas Copy Share Image
I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving, because it's easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter.… — Brett Butler Copy Share Image
“Second star to the right-" "-and straight on till morning? Yeah, I've heard that one before. Lit of the Ancient Homeworlds 101…” — Linnea Sinclair Copy Share Image
Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today,… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
It is unpardonable conceit not to laugh at your own jokes. Joking is undignified; that is why it is so good for… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a… — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
I would say that Futurama: Bender's Big Score requires a lot of concentration to watch. It's a very complicated time-travel story. Part… — David X. Cohen Copy Share Image
I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Bettman is an asshole. A frikkin asshole. I think he's ruined the game of hockey. He's supposed to be impartial. He's supposed… — Bob Probert Copy Share Image
Cheers was one of the first shows where I paid attention to the writers because their [work] was better than everything else… — Shawn Ryan Copy Share Image
I have, like, two and a half years of failed jokes that I know I wouldn't repeat, but I certainly have no… — Taran Killam Copy Share Image
When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It… — Evan Dando Copy Share Image
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 20 years, and the American… — Jackie Chan Copy Share Image
Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as… — Dan Jenkins Copy Share Image
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think of a piece, and then people who are competent fabricate it. But lately I've started finger painting, which probably should… — Jenny Holzer Copy Share Image
When I was governor, if I told a joke in front of the press - I learned. I would go, "That was… — Jesse Ventura Copy Share Image
Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
So, great. This is Camp…what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?” Aphros frowned. “I hope that was a joke. This is Camp… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
In one decade, women had gotten more protection against offensive jokes in the workplace than men had gotten in centuries against being… — Warren Farrell Copy Share Image
People are making these jokes about ours being the PC 'Snow White,' where it's like, yeah, it is - because it needed… — Rachel Zegler Copy Share Image
I enjoy darker sardonic wit more than knock-knock jokes. I spent the first healthy chunk of my career playing all-American, pleasant, average,… — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
I definitely script things out. I definitely write things down and try to write jokes. Often, they're terrible. I often write terrible,… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want,… — Chris Kyle Copy Share Image
I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
I joke that I reached the bimbo trifecta when I came to Fox News! In being a former Miss America, being blonde… — Gretchen Carlson Copy Share Image
The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex… — Candace Bushnell Copy Share Image
It is always easy in life to make a joke on the serious thoughts than take on joke seriously in its thoughts… — Anuj Somany Copy Share Image
The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously. — Joseph Brodsky Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm not allowed to make a joke. It is a bit unfair how I'm treated. I thought it was a joke. I… — Andy Murray Copy Share Image
My first lessons in comedy, how to construct a joke, I learned from Eileen Brennan, who had unbelievable timing. — Rob Lowe Copy Share Image
Sexual harassment legislation feels unfair to men because if they sued over an ethnic joke, or over a woman discussing pornography or… — Warren Farrell Copy Share Image
![“Cheers was one of the first shows where I paid attention to the writers because their [work] was better than everything else I was watching. The writers weren't afraid to let a joke fall slightly flat if it advanced the characters.” quote by Shawn Ryan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/shawn-ryan-19332_attention_cheers-was-one-of-the-first-shows-where_1924582.jpg)
