Maybe it's because I have too much pride or self-respect, but I thought, 'Why does a guy who has thinning hair and… — Paul Giamatti Copy Share Image
It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
Jokes about my surname aren't a big deal at all. In fact, that's what jokes are meant for - you laugh and… — Manushi Chhillar Copy Share Image
Jokes are one of the things that bind the culture. If you can't have jokes about everybody in society and if one… — Mark Steyn Copy Share Image
So size does matter from what I heard only 3.5 inches to make a girl happy... Your probably like WTF are you… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I went to sexaholics anonymous for six months. For research. I wanted to see the structure of the groups, how they were… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
The term comics long ago became obsolete and inaccurate. It merely defined the content of the early joke-based comical strips. Sequential Art… — Will Eisner Copy Share Image
Think for yourself, and believe in yourself. Keep your skeptical antennae tuned in and in good working order at all times. We… — Dennis McKenna Copy Share Image
When we make jokes about being lazy, or things that look like we're lazy parents, we don't want to make it appear… — Lucas Neff Copy Share Image
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
And there's wordplay and there's rhythms and you have to be able to get the poetry out of it. You have to… — Quentin Tarantino Copy Share Image
I was never able to analyze my own performance that way I can now. I've realized why certain actors work. I think… — Steve Dildarian Copy Share Image
Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better… — Felipe Esparza Copy Share Image
“But very quickly they all became grave again: for, as you know, there is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes… — C.S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I am not so secretly a comedian. I write a lot of my own material if you've seen videos I've done. I… — Laura Benanti Copy Share Image
My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment.… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
I got kind of scared when I thought they wanted me to do something... I didn't want to be naked on the… — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
Boy: I would do anything for you, Girl: Like what? Boy: Anything Girl: Jump off the bridge, Boy: Bye, mom is calling — Oksana Serdyuk Copy Share Image
The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
When you have a cast and crew of people who make it light hearted and crack jokes, and break treats, and understand… — Jill Scott Copy Share Image
There were always jokes about Hillary Clinton channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, but Eleanor Roosevelt was really instrumental at the UN, and would want… — Madeleine Albright Copy Share Image
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Every time I get happy the Nana-hex comes through. Birds turn into plumber's tools, a sonnet turns into a dirty joke, a… — Anne Sexton Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a… — Ron White Copy Share Image
“Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me...… — Duane G. Carey Copy Share Image
[Some people think] that storytelling is telling jokes. So they have to be discouraged! Then others think that storytelling-is like an encounter… — Doris Lessing Copy Share Image
“Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.” — Louis C.K Copy Share Image
There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
You who have suffered so much do not want to be with the kind of person who makes "black widow" jokes to… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image