My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies. — Clive Cussler Copy Share Image
If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“what came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.” — Teresa Mummert Copy Share Image
“Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like… — Godfrey Copy Share Image
Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. — George Orwell Copy Share Image
I think my sense of humor is really dark and super twisted and stuff like that. It's like, "Is this a funny… — Kanye West Copy Share Image
Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never… — Edgar Allan Poe Copy Share Image
If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand… — Rebecca West Copy Share Image
I don't think I would be a good politician. I kid about it when I get a standing ovation. Sometimes I'll say,… — Liberace Copy Share Image
Arguing with a teenager is like wrestling in the mud with a pig...sooner or later you realise that they enjoy it! — Simi Ngr Copy Share Image
As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Most of us have participated in the trust exercise in which one person falls back and is caught by a peer. Even… — Rafe Esquith Copy Share Image
I was interested in all kinds of things, whether it be Avatar, Mad Men, Troy, 300, Battlestar Gallactica, or the poems of… — Daniel Mendelsohn Copy Share Image
I knew I just loved comedy, and I think it was my parents who initially brought up the notion of me trying… — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone.… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
There's a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of… — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
Sometimes I feel that I am destined always to be offstage whenever the main action occurs. That God has made me the… — Jonathan Coe Copy Share Image
I remember a long, long day of filming and it took forever to get Kirk Douglas up on his cross. We played… — Jean Simmons Copy Share Image
Self-indulgence takes many forms. A man may be self-indulgent in speech, in touch, in sight. From self-indulgence a man comes to idle… — Dorotheus of Gaza Copy Share Image
I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household. — Scott Pruett Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. — Coco Chanel Copy Share Image
I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this. — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate ya but if you happen to get hit by a bus, I might be the one driving.. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination. — Martha Gellhorn Copy Share Image
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
