Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I've got no plans to stop doing it. — David Alan Basche Copy Share Image
Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.” — Gary Shteyngart Copy Share Image
Jon's mother had three kids named Penny, Nickel and __????__. You'll be amazed how many people get this wrong. — Justin Mccloskey Copy Share Image
If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three… — Unkown Copy Share Image
In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
I used to always crack jokes in class. I was a good liar and a good talker. I was just good. I… — Drake Copy Share Image
I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Surrealism is anathema for me. Because the surrealists made a joke of everything. And I consider life a tragedy. — Louise Bourgeois Copy Share Image
God gave us the miracle of life - sustaining water, & we turned it into Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi & Vodka. Good job, Morons. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Nigerians are everywhere. There's an old joke, particularly about the Ibos, that when you finally land on Mars, you're going to find… — Chris Abani Copy Share Image
What are you reading?" Owen asks. "Charlotte's Web," Liz says. "It's really sad. One of the main characters just died." "You ought… — Gabrielle Zevin Copy Share Image
I started to make a joke that I had an imaginary friend underneath the let-out couch named Binky. I would never talk… — Keke Palmer Copy Share Image
It's always been the same for me. I've always enjoyed acting, and I really love good actors; they're such unique characters. I… — Val Kilmer Copy Share Image
I was one of those kids who liked a lot of attention. I was always the kid in class who'd be telling… — Lauren Worsham Copy Share Image
Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know -… — Rue McClanahan Copy Share Image
I don't like working by a monitor. I stand right next to the camera, and I'm very performance-oriented. That really means everything… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
I must say, I am thrilled with my fan base. For some reason some of them are quite young, so they are… — Colin Farrell Copy Share Image
If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign. — James A. Owen Copy Share Image
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Roses are red violets are blue if your parents said that you are beautiful they're lying you. — Gothsynster Copy Share Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for those who don't have a sense of humor, imagine the decades they're missing on out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,' — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens. — Rip Taylor Copy Share Image
