If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I'm a spiritual person, I believe that if you read the bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister! — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican.… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony.… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Nobody calls me a racist when I do redneck jokes. Jeff Foxworthy can do as many 'You might be a redneck jokes' as he… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
People live in a place called Tornado Alley - and they're surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I'm sorry when they get… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I was angry. I was boisterous and loud. I was on top of the mountain, screaming at everybody, 'Look at… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine. They say, 'I can't believe you talked about this - you're racist.' And I… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
My choices are made out of love. When I go on stage now, I want to make people happy. I mean, when I get… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
My comedy is about, lift yourself. See reality. Change the reality if you don't like it. But if you can't, then deal with things… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I can't imagine how unbelievable it would be to go to the Great Barrier Reef. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
The beauty of not growing up middle class is that you don't think like the middle class. You don't have anything to protect, you… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
