Humourous Quotes by W.C. Fields

“I'm free of all prejudices. I hate all people equally.”

— W.C. Fields

“Always smile first thing in the morning. Might as well get it over with.”

— W.C. Fields

“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”

— W.C. Fields

“Never trust a man who doesn't drink.”

— W.C. Fields

“Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!”

— W.C. Fields

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”

— W.C. Fields

“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”

— W.C. Fields

“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”

— W.C. Fields

“Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting?”

— W.C. Fields

“Beds are dangerous. More people die in bed than anywhere else.”

— W.C. Fields

“Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?”

— W.C. Fields

“The news of my death is greatly exaggerated.”

— W.C. Fields