“Thatsh prieshts for you,” said the old man wetly. “Nothing by torc, torc, torc.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“It was entirely possible I would sexually assault him if I got too close.” — Caroline Hanson Copy Share Image
“Jim Morrison had star quality and he’s dead. Star quality’s no good to you when you’re dead.” — Neil Walker Copy Share Image
Flip phones are just awesome. At the end of a heated argument, you can always flip it like Bitch, whatever! — Sky Copy Share Image
“There's only one thing to do in crisis like this - SLEEP ON IT! Garfield, the cat.” — Jim Davis Copy Share Image
“Do you want me to murder everyone here?!” "“Yes! They’re bad guys!” — Jess-Liz Cross Copy Share Image
LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“It’s not really wine,” he said. “It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send… — Jennifer Echols Copy Share Image
“You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit… — Christina Lauren Copy Share Image
I tend to think of fear and humour as very, very close together. And to be honest I think pornography completes the… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“The announcer, in milky tones, rolled out the commercial; it was all about some sort of washing powder that made laundry days… — Ruth Park Copy Share Image
“This is the FBI Hostage Negotiations Service. Press one if you wish to surrender. Press two for a getaway car. Press three… — Chris Dolley Copy Share Image
“Ennesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff." "Dustoff? You're going to run away from three guys?" "No, I'm going… — Howard Tayler Copy Share Image
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I know you do not care much for such revelries, but trust me—this one you will enjoy, Harry. You and I will… — Sharon Kay Penman Copy Share Image
“Outside the door, a teller with a blue rosette chomps on an apple and asks for my number. She smiles a thank… — Maddie Grigg Copy Share Image
“Hap, even tough I'm a racist castrating bitch that wants you to be better than you are, wants you to do something… — Joe R. Lansdale Copy Share Image
“Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker?… — Stewart Lee Copy Share Image
Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really… — Julian Lennon Copy Share Image
This man, lady, hath robb'd many beasts of their particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the bear,… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“It is Sunday afternoon, preferably before the war. The wife is already asleep in the armchair, and the children have been sent… — George Orwell Copy Share Image
“You need not treat me like a child, sir. I am perfectly capable of navigating this staircase on my own." He snorted.… — Karen Witemeyer Copy Share Image
“Due to budget constraints I've rewritten the script, condensing all four of the Twilight Opuses into one epic screenplay. We'll shoot it… — Lola Salt Copy Share Image
It's fine if folk don't like my sense of humour. But if somebody misunderstands, then that hurts a bit. — Limmy Copy Share Image
“Dying's a fearful popular activity these days so we often double 'em up.” — John Marsden Copy Share Image
“Just recieved my manuscript from the editor and he didn't change a word. The word he didn't change was the.” — Roy A Higgins Copy Share Image
Don't be friends with people who don't have a sense of humour. They will kill yours..!! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“People said— though this felt like a heresy— that they had seen Camille make Robespierre laugh.” — Hilary Mantel Copy Share Image
“I understand what motivates them. Greed is such a universal thing, especially when combined with laziness.” — Uvi Poznansky Copy Share Image
Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Various large trees— willowy peppers and especially the pines—seem to be reaching down to hold your hand.” — Tom Hillman Copy Share Image
“Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It is not necessary to have a good sense of humour personally to do comedy well. — Paresh Rawal Copy Share Image
A little humour is good for the soul - regardless of how old you may be. — Richard Branson Copy Share Image
I enjoy humour more than anything, I don't really sit around banging my head and crying all the time. — Joaquin Phoenix Copy Share Image
