A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.' — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“She wondered what he looked like with his hat off and wondered again if he knew he was funny.” — Elmore Leonard Copy Share Image
“I opened my mouth to respond, then decided to do that thing where you think before you speak.” — Jessi Kirby Copy Share Image
“He could do this. He'd survived boot camp. He'd survived combat and the harsh weather of Afghanistan. He could survive broccoli. Probably.” — Shannon Stacey Copy Share Image
“Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.” — Myrna Ericksen Copy Share Image
“Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Doubts, sure I have them, but they won't feed you or put a roof over your head.” — Hank Eng Copy Share Image
I have such a girl-crush on Reese Witherspoon. I would love to do a comedy with her. — Jenna Dewan Copy Share Image
“Then she remarked that marriage was a serious matter. To which I answered: "No.” — Albert Camus Copy Share Image
“Awe! Leaving so soon?” Gabby said sweetly, holding the door open. “I was just about to pull out the gun for you… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash,… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
“The poorly sophisticated, since many of us are, as presumed to be, lacking in good arguments, we are then prone to being… — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
If the writing is good, then the writing is already funny. All you have to do is make this funny writing true… — Constance Wu Copy Share Image
“Something must have happened, your mother speculated. In her mind a woman with no child could only be explained by vast untrammeled… — Junot Díaz Copy Share Image
I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves. I don't care whether… — Betty White Copy Share Image
“With an unseen inner-smile, the beetle carried on its journey, rolling manure. It had decided that stones were not to its liking.… — Stephen Craig Copy Share Image
If the psychic energies of the average mass of people watching a football game or a musical comedy could be diverted into… — Wilhelm Reich Copy Share Image
