“as to try to interest me about the less carnivora, when I know of what is before me." "I see," I said.… — Bram Stoker Copy Share Image
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If you tell the reader it's funny, then the audience is like an audience at a stand-up comedy club and they expect… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Hermes smiled. "I knew a boy once ... oh, younger than you by far. A mere baby, really." Here we go again… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you… — Chris Baio Copy Share Image
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“Too bad I don't want to be an actress. Or a reality TV-star or something,'Quinn said. 'This would be such a great… — Jennifer E. Smith This is what happy looks like Copy Share Image
Religion is a personal, private matter and parents, not public school officials, should decide their children's religious training. We should not have… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in… — Nick Shamhart Copy Share Image
“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion,… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
“Some sleepers have intelligent faces even in sleep, while other faces, even intelligent ones, become very stupid in sleep and therefore ridiculous.… — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
I was doing a college show for the first time, and there was this 20-year-old gay male who's been diabetic his entire… — Jessica Williams Copy Share Image
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It is observable that the ladies frequent tragedies more than comedies; the reason may be, that in tragedy their sex is deified… — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
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“Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometres away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a… — Hk-47 Copy Share Image
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This is going to sound pretentious, but I like comedy that addresses something I find either worrisome or interesting in my life.… — Zach Woods Copy Share Image
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“Did you talk to him about it?" "Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy."… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Don't fret my dear. If art is translation of the ephemeral into observable form, then always remember that it is the translationn… — Jomny Sun Copy Share Image
“Abignades or abegnades A term used in te department of the Landes for the intestines of a goose cooked in its blood.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are elements of comedy that can be competitive and back stab-y, but one of the underreported sides is that we love… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
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“I will protect you," she promised the Bosendorfer inside. "I won't let you down." Sophie gave her a quizzical look. "Bastards better… — Dianne Sylvan Copy Share Image
“Kitty, do you have the bottle?" "In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my… — Gini Koch Copy Share Image
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Humor implies a sure conception of the beautiful, the majestic and he true, by whose light it surveys and shape s their… — Edwin Percy Whipple Copy Share Image
“OMG. He's a gift shop, a lamb kebab with mint,/a solar panel poetry machine with biceps. He's the path/through the dark woods,… — Ron Koertge Copy Share Image
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“How did you do it?" he wanted to know. "Enchanted arrows? Spell of exploding flesh? Rain of fire? No, not that. The… — Holly Lisle Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I… — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
“As far as Ahsoka Tano was concerned, the only thing worse than being up to her armpits in battle droids was waiting… — Karen Miller Copy Share Image
I have tried to improve telescopes and practiced continually to see with them. These instruments have play'd me so many tricks that… — William Herschel Copy Share Image
There's such an odd, eclectic group of people that make up the town of Plymouth, New Hampshire. I don't think I could… — Eliza Coupe Copy Share Image
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![“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.” quote by Matt Groening](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f3/matt-groening-1946_homer-simpson_ned-flanders-well-looks-like-someone-s-h_2456837.jpg)
