My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's the thing about Jews in Hollywood. Not to stereotype, but the Jews I know here are the funniest, most self-deprecating people… — Ben Feldman Copy Share Image
When I'm driving past the place I used to work, or when I'm driving past the comedy studio where I used to… — Kelly Marie Tran Copy Share Image
I used to love, love Steve Martin. I still do... I would get these albums, and I would just listen to them… — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
“I suffer from ADDAD… Attention Deficit Doing ANYTHING Disorder! It's where you set a goal to do certain things, then you start… — Comic Strip Mama Copy Share Image
“He lives near me so we do some things together.” His throat felt tight. “Well, lots of things, actually. But of course… — Clare London Copy Share Image
“Wisteria hangs over the eaves like clumps of ghostly grapes. Euphorbia's pale blooms billow like sea froth. Blood grass twists upward, knifing… — Zsuzsi Gartner Copy Share Image
“You know there are a lot of different aspects to ourselves. It’s good to meet them, even engage them if we want… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Philosophy is problem-solving. There's a philosophical problem, and then you try to solve it by approaching it from different angles and seeing… — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
“Everyone has crap in their background, everyone has things they wish they could undo. But most people don't go around doing their… — Nicholas Sparks Copy Share Image
I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I think the best comedic actors don't play it for comedy, they play it for reality. Then you find it funny because… — Zooey Deschanel Copy Share Image
“I fall short of her standards. She made me buy cat food that hasn't been tested on animals. My cats took one… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“Brigan, could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are… — Kristin Cashore Copy Share Image
As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and… — David Cross Copy Share Image
“Manto's take on Ismat: "Ismat’s pen and tongue both run fast. When she starts writing, her ideas race ahead and the words… — Saadat Hasan Manto Copy Share Image
I think that's part of being a comedy writer. You have to be confident. If you're sitting around worrying about, like, oh… — David Mandel Copy Share Image
Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“Found naked with a few of his grandfather’s kitchen maids? His father’s claw right to the back of the head. Suggest that… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“Surely this marked a new level of achievement in his amatory career. Never before had he charmed the frock off a woman… — Tessa Dare Copy Share Image
“The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Orcs do not have enemies.” Monde tried to search for the proper term, “We have…adversaries.” “Isn’t that the same thing?” “Depends on… — Sabrina Zbasnik Copy Share Image
“Hertzfeld recalled that Gates just sat there coolly, looking at Steve in the eye, before hurling back, in his squeaky voice, what… — Walter Isaacson Copy Share Image
“New Rule: From now on, duct tape must be called what it really is--murder tape. A search of the suspected Craigslist Killer's… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it's so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of… — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
“Laughter and tears are not separate experiences, with intervals of rest: they rush out together and it is like walking with a… — Anaïs Nin Copy Share Image
So, you don't have laughs as a reference point any more, it becomes a bit of a science after that. And the… — Colin Firth Copy Share Image
“I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?” I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
One thing I would say is real cops have real gallows senses of humor and make incredibly funny and inappropriate jokes in… — Daniel J. Goor Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wonder, Balram. I wonder what's the point of living. I really wonder...' The point of living? My heart pounded The… — Aravind Adiga Copy Share Image
“I tilt my head and ask “What firsts have we already passed?” “The easy ones,” he says. “First hug, first date, first… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
“It's because I'm pregnant, Christian." He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
“It is. I’m your boyfriend now, which means there’s no room for your hipster admirer. He’ll just have to lick his wounds… — Kylie Scott Copy Share Image
When you watch a horror movie or you're watching comedy, they're not passive; they are things that you're involved in because they're… — Leslie Grossman Copy Share Image
Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high… — Bruce McCall Copy Share Image
“Life presents some very interesting situations. When you’re in the middle of a jam, you’re not thinking, “Oh that’s interesting.” You’re thinking,… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Does the king know you're back?" "Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“Way I look at it, you get to a point in your life when you turn a corner and realise that’s about… — Andrew Cull Copy Share Image
