“A dam doesn't try to reason with the water. Its main purpose is to hold it still for a while. When I… — Spuds Crawford Copy Share Image
People in comedy are just gorgeous, just the best human beings. They are naturally interested in other people and in playing something… — Sarah Alexander Copy Share Image
“Samuel, safety is my watchword. Rest assured that proper procedures will be followed at all times." Skipper giggled. "Tell me, Mump. What… — Steve Voake Copy Share Image
I plant daffodil bulbs about eight inches deep. As I mentioned before, I don't use a ruler. As a married woman, I… — Cassandra Danz Copy Share Image
“The question why I don't shake hand with someone,A reason is Behind;Scumbags call it Attitude but they really don't know its actually… — Waqas Bin Ehsan Copy Share Image
“I'll tell you something: I'll always be broke. It's a tradition in the family. My grandfather was a bankrupt. My father was… — James Hadley Chase Copy Share Image
“I tried to utter, but could not. The tongue had got all tangled up with the uvula, and the brain seemed paralyzed.… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
As with most audiences when there is a live celebrity on stage, our laughter is performative, disproportionate, and noncontextual: a semaphoric ass… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was obsessed with 'Twilight.' I love the very, very serious drama of Bella and Edward. They were the most serious people… — Natasia Demetriou Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
I watch comedy on TV, and it's too cutty for me. I get a little jarred, and it succeeds. It's not like… — David Dobkin Copy Share Image
“Joseph, you’re out of clean towels.” Lucia poked her head into the living room, the rest of her hidden behind the wall.… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“At all events, when I look back upon the boy I was, I see the beginnings of a real person who fades… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you; you were a zombie in a post-apocalyptic world. I was the only human left, you tried… — Rodney Jenkins Copy Share Image
If I had a choice, I would do comedy all the time. It's just the most challenging thing. To make someone laugh… — Bruce Willis Copy Share Image
I am shocked. It's upsetting to be described as chocolate, not just for me, but for all black women and black people.… — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
“You play because you have a guilty attraction to supernatural beasts and harlequin love stories, but you harbour the secret presumption that… — Joe Mcdaldno Copy Share Image
“lechery?" he asked with a wink, guessing from the hour that I had been with some palace kitchen-maid. "Oh aye, most vile,"… — Philippa Gregory Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Comedy is way more difficult than drama. What I might find funny, the editor might not find funny. They might choose the… — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
The subtle differences in language and humor that get lost in translation, for example, make it almost impossible for big companies to… — Larry Gelbart Copy Share Image
Humor is a bit like Mary Poppins' sugar-it helps the medicine go down. A little bit of humor allows people to think… — James Fadiman Copy Share Image
“Write what you know," my ass. Now, I'm not suggesting that you write about my ass. But although you do not, in… — Robyn Parnell Copy Share Image
I think that doing comedy and playing Dwight is a service. Not to get grandiose about it, but I have a talent… — Rainn Wilson Copy Share Image
I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long… — Taran Killam Copy Share Image
“Strange, how in all those apocalyptic movies, when their society breaks down into lawlessness and anarchy, Canada is always the haven of… — Jenifer Mohammed Copy Share Image
“Remember that a little learning can be a pleasant thing. Italy gives much, in beauty, gaiety, diversity of arts and landscapes, good… — Kate Simon Copy Share Image
“Rare contact creates a stir. Gossip spreads. Tensions build. Denying Pissec, miserable Obelmäker and repressed Baumauer are all seething-jealous – openly or… — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
“While serving one of his countless sentences of imprisonment, he was given ex-wrestler Paul as cell companion. Paul was at that time… — Arthur Koestler Copy Share Image
I think the biggest survival instinct that Midwesterners possess is self deprecation, it's almost a Buddha-like sense of humor in anything that… — Amy Pietz Copy Share Image
“I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a childhood that was _not_ like mine. I have no real… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Come! Come sit by me. It’s a nice bench. Nice and lovely on the butt.” “You’re drunk.” “Yeah, and you’re ugly, but… — Sara Wolf Copy Share Image
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't like swearing on the air. As a matter of fact, I'm not a prude, but I go to the movies… — Brian Lamb Copy Share Image
“You look fabulous," he told her, and kissed her. "Oh, crap, now I've got glitter, right? Leatherface does not do glitter. It's… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Two death sentences? Really? I mean, you look very well, considering.” Crane grinned at him. “One was in absentia. One wasn’t, and… — K.J. Charles Copy Share Image
“I thought that one was going to hit me,” I said, watching the disappointed girl stalk off into the crowd. “Being your… — Kylie Scott Copy Share Image
It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can… — Diana Wynne Jones Copy Share Image
“What is it?” There is almost nothing I could refuse him at this very moment. Sex on the picnic bench? Check. Strip… — Sarah Castille Copy Share Image
