The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You have a bunch of cracked-out hoes fighting over Flavor Flav, the king of funk nasty. You have to wonder what in… — Chase Brooks Copy Share Image
Humor of all types is notoriously subjective. That's true not only between different people but even within an individual at different times.… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
“A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak,… — Sheng Wang Copy Share Image
“He looked like a sexy ninja. Or a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. She just looked like she was sitting… — Leia Shaw Copy Share Image
“Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
“He held out a hand, "I am Lord Bradley, noble nobody if you must know, and greatest source of annoyance to his… — Nicole Sager Copy Share Image
“A year ago I would’ve been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog… — Luella Christie Copy Share Image
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Yes, I'm sorry you won't be coming with us," Chloe said to Alex. "But please don't worry. I'm certain The Lord has… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
It's so pretentious, but I believe that with comedy, if you have a good story, 90% of it is casting. Once you… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
“Um . . . guys? If I, say, noticed a crack in a wall in a tunnel and a cold, creepy draft… — Mark Del Franco Copy Share Image
It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“norris didn't cry, but he was apt to puke on them, the way he had puked on homer gamache that time he… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?'… — Steven Erikson Copy Share Image
The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
In England, 'The Muppet Show' is very much seen as an English thing. So for us in the U.K., it is one… — James Bobin Copy Share Image
“ 'A fine story', said Asterinov … 'Six months in prison, that tale,' said Sergei. 'Was it the witch?', I asked 'I… — Adam Roberts Copy Share Image
I think if I would have started BIG in America, I would probably never have called it BIG. There was nothing but… — Bjarke Ingels Copy Share Image
Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where… — Keith Waterhouse Copy Share Image
I think the best comedy is tragicomic. Yeah, I suppose if you were to look at everything I've done, there is a… — Sharon Horgan Copy Share Image
“It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender. “Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively. “Okay, I deserved that,” I… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
...to speak of them out loud, to speak of their hunger and pain and loneliness and humour, to make them visible so… — Eve Ensler Copy Share Image
I guess I'm sort of spoiled because, most of the things that I get to do, people know that you're a good… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
“The priest then turning toward the bride, inquired: "Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, etc., etc., so long… — E.D.E.N. Southworth Copy Share Image
“Alright. You hate me, I'm not too fond of you. It's mutual..." he muttered, walking hesitantly toward the stallion, hand outstretched, "I… — Shanda Sharlow Copy Share Image
“Noel ducked to the lower cabinets – a percussion of pots and pans clanged into each other. “Are you intentionally trying not… — Devon Ashley Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure whether that had to do with the humor, or with the unfashionable fairy-tale ending, which is very different from… — Jennifer Weiner Copy Share Image
“The two sat quiet for a moment; Gabe unsure what to say to comfort his friend and Uri stewing in his own… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I've been trying to get into comedy for years. I had a meeting with one of the networks a couple years ago,… — Natalie Zea Copy Share Image
Laughter is a way of really letting out all this pressure that you could face in your daily life in the suffering… — Hiam Abbass Copy Share Image
But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Edwin’s creations landed hit or miss on the board and one miss a year ago ended with us heaving overboard for a… — Katherine McIntyre Copy Share Image
“There is a cookie trail of all my interests lodged in some digital sphere which will one day consolidate the collected data… — J. Lincoln Fenn Copy Share Image
“I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“I sat with it, the porn still going, the load of hate now trickling down the side of my hip and I… — Eric Monsky Copy Share Image
Whether it's corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be… — Nick Kroll Copy Share Image
![“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always…” quote by Steven Erikson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/steven-erikson-588_answers_save-your-explanations-i-got-some-questi_1357072.jpg)
