“Julian tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face, though already it felt strained. He was uncomfortable with people who used… — Bentley Little Copy Share Image
Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really… — Jonah Hill Copy Share Image
“He smiled again. I kept staring. Then I said, “My name is Tillary Quilter.” “You called. We have an appointment. I’m a… — Shelly Reuben Copy Share Image
“Men like to create unnecessary organizations and give them impressive or mysterious names; this usually ends in increased confusion, and should therefore… — Elizabeth Peters Copy Share Image
“You want us to bargain with a lizard?” “They’re not lizards, Father. They’re extraordinary creatures who were here long before any human… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wish I could be the kind of person who has one-night stands, and instead of feeling guilty about it feels… — Caprice Crane Copy Share Image
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write… — Lili St. Crow Copy Share Image
Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
“God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
“At that moment, Bobbie Faye felt an unbridled hatred for every movie heroine who'd ever raced away from he villain in Jimmy… — Toni McGee Causey Copy Share Image
I wasn't disciplined at all. As good of an athlete as I was, I was not disciplined. Had I had the drive… — Bernie Mac Copy Share Image
Do you know the most important trait a man can have? It is not executive ability; it is not a great mentality;… — Dale Carnegie Copy Share Image
“God has a funny way of reminding us we’re human. [About his impromptu water break during his delivery of the GOP rebuttal… — Marco Rubio Copy Share Image
“I have no way to describe this, and I am positive that this is all just a horrible dream I have yet… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Sex is what you boast about when you have no exterior signs of wealth. It's a way of saying, "Look, I might… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“For example, they recently had a piece on a character--I think his name was Ambrosio D'Urbervilles--whose "design statement" was to stuff an… — Mark Helprin Copy Share Image
Laughter and tears are meant to turn the wheels of the same machinery of sensibility; one is wind-power, and the other water-power;… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Must you always speak with so many pop culture references?" "I must, yes, but no one's making pop culture anymore, so I'm… — Peter Clines Copy Share Image
Jesus must have had a sense of humor. I like to think of Him as a guy who got people to listen… — Bil Keane Copy Share Image
“Your ability to survive anything that gets thrown at you sometimes leaves the rest of us swallowing ulcer medication for days afterward.… — Patricia Briggs Copy Share Image
“There was dust everywhere: dust on the cracked and rheumy window; dust over the drugget that made shift as Mr. Guyle's carpet;… — D. J. Taylor Copy Share Image
“preemptive strike n. A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one's… — Leslie Starr O'Hara Copy Share Image
“Michael felt as if his heart might burst. With the death of the council he had felt as though he had lost… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
“Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander,… — Chris Lester Copy Share Image
“You don't have to say a thing except yes. You don't have to do anything, either, I'm quite willing to plan it… — Karen Hawkins Copy Share Image
and he would probably not agree with my conviction that a sense of humor is the main measure of sanity. But who… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
I was lucky to develop in the U.K. because I find comedy - in addition to being caustic - it's quite literary… — Katherine Ryan Copy Share Image
My oldest brother used to take me to the theater. The first play he took me to see was 'Black Comedy,' then… — Nathan Lane Copy Share Image
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“You poor lonely boy,' she cried, 'it's so dreadful for you to have no parents.' Well, as my mother was a whore,… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
“If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
I don't have a beef with Texas. I just don't think Texans know anything about basketball and they don't have a sense… — Jason Whitlock Copy Share Image
They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
I guess people have a hard time dealing with humour in music. But sometimes life is depressing, and sometimes life is fun,… — Jim James Copy Share Image
I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Perhaps we could do without tragedy in art - but what about comedy? Is it a coincidence that so many of the… — Tom Malinowski Copy Share Image
Comedy has to be so much cleaner than drama. You can't layer it in the way you can a dramatic performance. Which… — Grant Bowler Copy Share Image
“The exorcist had a slightly Australian tinge to his voice, and the laid-back, whatever-comes-next attitude of a man who had suddenly realised… — Kate Griffin Copy Share Image