In my new IFC comedy game show, 'Bunk,' we actually use our intern Patrick as a human timer - giving contestants the… — Kurt Braunohler Copy Share Image
“We were so beautiful when we stood astride her ugli- ness. Her simplicity decorated us, her guilt sanctified us, her pain made… — Toni Morrison Copy Share Image
I did this movie called 'Their Eyes Were Watching God,' and I was an extra, and it was a movie that Oprah… — Tiffany Haddish Copy Share Image
It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons; I will accept those gladly. But I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
To me, Ann Romney sounds like a better candidate than her husband. She put her MS into remission through horseback riding, alternative… — Patti Davis Copy Share Image
Prescription for Life-long Happiness: Purpose enough for satisfaction; Work enough for sustenance; Sanity enough to know when to play and rest; Wealth… — Ernie J Zelinski Copy Share Image
There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open to it themselves; but the humor goes round, and… — Seneca Copy Share Image
“Come on, she’s gorgeous. Guys in Richmond would be drooling right now.” Joe’s brows shot up, and he turned as if expecting… — Terri Osburn Copy Share Image
“I like to smile at the men who look mean so they know I believe in their better selves. That makes a… — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
The English probably do that wordplay kind of humour and whimsy better than anyone, and I've always felt that my writing goes… — Graeme Base Copy Share Image
I was never funny. There were funny people I was around, but I wasn't a funny guy. I was dead serious about… — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
“Judging from the unfamiliar number, I assumed the text came from Shannon. If not, I would see who came by my house… — Michelle Madow Copy Share Image
“A knock on my office door interrupted the despondency of my broodings. “Come in!” I called, removing the countenance I currently wore… — Gabriellyn Gidman Copy Share Image
I can rap. Not openly in the world, but it's important that people know! I can rap for a very specific reason,… — Allison Williams Copy Share Image
“When we settle down in the homeland of love, let us not forget to choose an uplifting horizon, where humor and joyfulness… — Erik Pevernagie Copy Share Image
“Even Mongo liked him, although Mongo likes everybody. (Also Mongo was so thrilled with himsel for staying in the dog bed till… — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
“When I came here as a child, he would always remove the bullets as soon as he walked in the door. I… — Stephenie Meyer Copy Share Image
“His gaze settled on her mouth. “Have you been kissed before, inspector?” “Why?” If he wanted virgin lips, she’d claim to have… — Meljean Brook Copy Share Image
“It’s like this…a starving man would gladly eat a radish, right? In fact, a radish would be a feast if that’s all… — Colleen Houck Copy Share Image
“The Female Orgasm. The Big O. That elusive, reclusive Loch Ness of the labia. Does it prove the existence of God, or… — Kirstie Collins Brote Copy Share Image
“I’m so in love with you, Braith,” he told her, and she felt in her bones that he meant every word. “And… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
Comedy doesn't have to be loud and obnoxious and beat you over the head. It can be this really small detail that,… — Kyle Kinane Copy Share Image
“Or there's peer tutoring. Oh my god. I'm tutoring the cutest little second grader right now. I totally taught her how to… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
“I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“And you, Mary, if you must run off to London, why do it in that unfinished manner, so that I was left… — Dorothy L. Sayers Copy Share Image
When I think about Plastic Man, he was genuinely the first funny super hero. I'm obviously attracted to that. There's also this… — Gail Simone Copy Share Image
“I just hope there’s a Daily Hell I can write for. I could do witty editorials like “Hell: Hath It Lost Its… — Chris Colfer Copy Share Image
“He is right, there is no denying it,' said my father under his breath, as though mimicking the part of a cowered… — André Aciman Copy Share Image
“I have salt and sugar at home, but I'm paying eighty bucks to have ya'll rub it on my feet. If I… — Toni Aleo Copy Share Image
“Not just in America. When I left my primary school, my father said, 'Son, you are now a man,' then he gave… — S. J. Kincaid Copy Share Image
“I just don't want to have more people to lose. It sounds mental, but I'd rather be alone than be devastated when… — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
People have been trained to believe that comedy is the five- and 10-minute segments that you see on TV. But in 10… — John Pinette Copy Share Image
“Comics know that time plus pain equals humor and that we can redeem even awful moments from the past by translating them… — Gina Barreca Copy Share Image
“When peacock spread her tail, she feels proud that everyone is talking her beauty but ,in reality she is being nude from… — Thenten Copy Share Image
“3) Saturday night is the official meeting night of Penny Lane's Lonely Hearts Club. Attendance is mandatory. Exceptions are for family emergencies… — Elizabeth Eulberg Copy Share Image
“What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I think up until the point when we started in the business, which was in the early '70s, most of the humor… — David Zucker Copy Share Image
“Incidentally, I don't know how late you were planning to stay, but there is an excellent film this evening The Snake Pit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“the flanger setting ... makes it sound as if the chord is being chewed over thoughtfully by a large genie accustomed to… — Tim Brookes Copy Share Image
I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
