One thing you learn from comedy writing, or sketch writing, is just to be vicious about cutting. Do not get sentimental about… — Brendan Hunt Copy Share Image
“Asshole.” “Just for that, I expect you to wrap that dirty mouth of yours around my cock tonight.” He narrowed his eyes… — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“If you haven't cried at least once while writing a chapter of your inspirational book, then you have to ask yourself if… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Science fiction is an untouched genre as far as Indian cinema is concerned. 'Mangal Ho' is a beginning of this genre and… — Sanjay Mishra Copy Share Image
We love the Stooges, and young kids today don't watch them. They think it's their dad's comedy. So we thought we could… — Bobby Farrelly Copy Share Image
“Like a shot from a movie, the morning sun shone brilliantly around him like a god—his dark hair glinted warmly in the… — Julie James Copy Share Image
Democratic politicians have disliked things I've written, Republican politicians... if they all love you, you might as well be driving a Good… — Adam Clymer Copy Share Image
“Why are all gay men understanding and compassionate?” “Pfft.” I arced an eyebrow at her. “They're not, trust me. Its a myth.”… — Zathyn Priest Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I would make kung fu movies with the kids in the neighborhood, and I would be the… — Dan Fogler Copy Share Image
“Conner looking at the text he sent Jeff the night before: 8:42pm..Reed:Need you to go to Denver w me. 8:46pm..Jeff: in meeting.… — Mira Lyn Kelly Copy Share Image
Norman Lear was talking about everything in the '70s... race, sexism, all of it. The network comedy really stayed away from that… — Nahnatchka Khan Copy Share Image
If I could visit dead authors, I'd head right over to E. B. White, though I'm so in awe of him I'd… — Elizabeth Berg Copy Share Image
My life plan was to get into drama school and become an actor, but it took me three years. I applied while… — Phoebe Fox Copy Share Image
“Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing,… — Caprice Crane Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Instead of using their $10 billion atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider to re-create the Big Bang by melting atom parts in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I've done history; I've done biopics, I've done a little bit of comedy. I just want to keep going and show people… — Jason Mitchell Copy Share Image
“It wasn't all that different from any particularly demanding boarding school, except that of course nobody ever went home for the holidays… — Kage Baker Copy Share Image
“You see, that's the thing with conquerors, they cannot stop conquering, for then they would have to start ruling, and my guess… — Gourav Mohanty Copy Share Image
Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh;… — George Herbert Copy Share Image
I thought my family was really funny. Everybody in my family was funny. My mom and dad both have great senses of… — Christine Ebersole Copy Share Image
“Your name is Chet? Chet the Celestial Being?" "Look," he says. "I don't need this." "Do you really think I'm becoming a… — M.T. Anderson Copy Share Image
“In 1803, President Jefferson oversaw the purchase of this land from the French for $15 million. It doesn't sound like much for… — Dave Gorman Copy Share Image
“Razor appeared on his shoulder with a buzzing laugh. "Stupid goblins," he crowed, bouncing up and down, making Kierran sigh. "Funny, stupid… — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
“It stands to reason that anyone who learns to live well will die well. The skills are the same: being present in… — Victoria Moran Copy Share Image
“Bah! Doesn’t matter. Don’t want him for our Ayah. She should marry within her kind, a good Chinese boy—” Mari had to… — Marian Tee Copy Share Image
I never go about a new project as if I'm trying ot redefine myself. I just like to work, and I'm excited… — Julia Louis-Dreyfus Copy Share Image
“Her hair was bright red, her skin, pale, and I can't explain why, but something about her shouted, 'I heart granola.' She… — B. Justin Shier Copy Share Image
“How as a young girl, Ismat Chugtai convinced her father to excuse her from learning how to cook, and give her instead… — Ismat Chughtai Copy Share Image
“Owen," Henry said excitedly, "I think Coach wants you to hit for Meccini." Owen closed The Voyage of the Beagle , on… — Chad Harbach Copy Share Image
“After a long chilly night's drive, straining our eyes in the darkness for unseen obstacles and pitfalls, we found that there was… — Fitzroy MacLean Copy Share Image
I think my comedy, the put-downs I do to hecklers, are the accumulated bitterness of years of people feeling that it's perfectly… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
I laugh every day. There are days when my laughs are pretty hollow. Dust comes out of your mouth, and your bones… — James L. Brooks Copy Share Image
Comedy to the Senate? Well, there certainly hasn't been a satirist or a political satirist who's done that. So, that really was… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
“Keanu Reeves?" she asks in amazement. I nod. "What did he wish for?" "Isn't it obvious?" I say, waving a hand at… — Jackson Pearce Copy Share Image
Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“You write poetry?" Klaus asked. He had read a lot about poets but had never met one. "Just a little bit," Isadora… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
“Here's something for you to remember; you might have been born into money, but you came out of a vagina the same… — Suzanne Wright Copy Share Image
A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
