“A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat… — Ilya Ilf, Yevgeni Petrov Copy Share Image
“Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try… — David Mitchell Copy Share Image
“Let’s just say that once the party was over, the Tribe had the decency to put most of the things back into… — Sorin Suciu Copy Share Image
“The shrieks were coming from two quite naked girls, who were pursued by a pair of apes snapping at their bottoms. [...]… — Voltaire Copy Share Image
“I knew my name. So I let him know I knew it. 'Yeah,' I said in a voice very like mine. Mine… — Carrie Fisher Copy Share Image
I knew I wanted to be a performer and do comedy at 5 years old. My dad's wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, was boiling… — Sandra Bernhard Copy Share Image
“He wanted to laugh. Only, the sound wouldn't come out. He couldn't summon even a wry humor, not anymore. Light! I can't… — Robert Jordan Copy Share Image
People who have very devastating lives sometimes have the most wild, avant-garde humor. It's like when you've seen it all and been… — Jenny Zhang Copy Share Image
“It's a most peculiar psychology—this business of 'Science is based on faith too, so there!' Typically this is said by people who… — Eliezer Yudkowsky Copy Share Image
“If it was my business, I wouldn't talk about it. It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only people like… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I… — Tig Notaro Copy Share Image
I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it… — John Fante Copy Share Image
“Mira, I'm about to be naked," Blue said as he whipped off his belt and tossed it on the floor. "So watch… — Sarah Cross Copy Share Image
In the most ordinary terms, egolessness is a flexible identity. It manifests as inquisitiveness , as adaptability, as humor, as playfulness. It… — Pema Chodron Copy Share Image
The safest genre is the horror film. But the most unsafe - the most dangerous - is comedy. Because even if your… — Roger Corman Copy Share Image
“I must have your promise, Coach, that you won't hurt her." "I promise." "You spoke a bit too quickly for my taste.… — Susan Elizabeth Phillips Copy Share Image
“He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does… — Dianna Hardy Copy Share Image
“Are you okay with what we ordered?” Angeline asked him. “You didn’t pipe up with any requests.” Neil shook his head, face… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“Talaith leaned forward, studied her youngest daughter. “You think you’re evil?” “Pure evil,” Izzy clarified, which got her a rather vicious glare… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“You’ll wear loads of face powder and rouge.” “They’ll itch.” She knew from experimenting with Cousin Augusta’s. “And you must use a… — Kieran Kramer Copy Share Image
“It’s a truism in policing that witnesses and statements are fine, but nothing beats empirical physical evidence. Actually it isn’t a truism… — Ben Aaronovitch Copy Share Image
“If you are ignorant of Lora Delane Porter’s books that is your affair. Perhaps you are more to be pitied than censured.… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Above all else: go out with a sense of humor. It is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on… — Hugh Sidey Copy Share Image
“Being a dad is about more than the good and the bad, it's also about taking the time to treasure what you… — Brooke and Keith Desserich Copy Share Image
“When he did, Casey saw a real guy with a sense of humor peeking through. Truthfully, he liked the fact that Stedman… — Donna McDonald Copy Share Image
“My Aunt Dahlia, who runs a woman's paper called Milady's Boudoir, had recently backed me into a corner and made me promise… — Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Yes Yes when God created love he didn't help most when God created dogs He didn't help dogs when God created plants… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
Laughter is binary: It either happens or it doesn't. As each joke arrives in the course of a film, the cavernous space… — David Dobkin Copy Share Image
You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
“... I'd never look at a pick again without wondering if it was Cole's heart. He cocked an eyebrow. "But the look… — Brodi Ashton Copy Share Image
My mother was very wary at first. And now she's come around 180 degrees. She's, like, one of my biggest fans now.… — Maz Jobrani Copy Share Image
When I step back from any moment of crisis that I've ever had, I'm always struck by how humor and tragedy can… — Peter Vack Copy Share Image
“A bright light at the end of a tunnel can seem warm and inviting, or it can seem mysterious and terrifying. People… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
“There’s no need to say anything to Mr. Turing. I was the one who wasn’t watching where I was going” “You were… — Connie Willis Copy Share Image
“One more question." Finn had a smirk on his face. "Do you use…" "If you say litter box, I will empty that… — Jeanette Battista Copy Share Image
Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“Now we're going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don't we rescue some orphaned… — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
Writing comedy is an exposing thing because you're putting yourself on the line with every joke you write, and although you can't… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
“You’re just begging for a piece of me, you know that?” she growled. “I don’t know what gave you the idea I've… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
![“The shrieks were coming from two quite naked girls, who were pursued by a pair of apes snapping at their bottoms. [...] So he now raises his double-barrelled Spanish rifle, fires and kills both apes. 'God be praised, my dear Calambo! I have delivered these two poor creatures from grave peril; if…” quote by Voltaire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a9/voltaire-173_apes_the-shrieks-were-coming-from-two-quite-n_173005.png)
