He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
I would love to do a comedy spoof, like a Spinal Tap kind of thing. — Matthew McGrory Copy Share Image
One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Her headache wouldn’t budge no matter how she ODed on caffeine, but never call her a quitter.” — Thea Harrison Copy Share Image
My inspiration is the one and only godfather of comedy himself, Richard Pryor. He's the greatest. — Eddie Griffin Copy Share Image
“Some are great. Some are born great. Some have greatness thrust upon them. And then there's you.” — Reginald Dipwipple Copy Share Image
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Don't love someone because you have sex with them. Have sex with someone because you love them... — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
I really admire medical people. They have a great sense of humour, and they just have to get on with it. — Neve McIntosh Copy Share Image
“Next flute player I meet,” said Gilan with grim humor,“I’m going to split his lip for him.” — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
“And, in keeping with the original Milesian Tales which had happy endings, I would conclude the episode of the lovely Atalanta Chan,… — Nicholas Chong Copy Share Image
In English, you can find writers with a wonderful sense of humor, like Oscar Wilde. But in the French language, this is… — Jesus Franco Copy Share Image
“How long you guys been renovating?” Craig asked Arianna. “About a month.” “How much longer?” Arianna sighed. “The contractor messed up the… — Daniel Stern Copy Share Image
When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
“Alec?" Magnus was staring at him. He had dispatched the remaining Iblis demons, and the square was empty but for the two… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“Thank God she wasn't wearing shorts. She hadn't shaved her legs in a week, theorizing that October in the mountains was pretty… — Victoria Dahl Copy Share Image
Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
“For heaven's sake, Wade, you sound as if it involved capes and daggers and poisons. Take out one of your dreams and… — Rachel Heffington Copy Share Image
