A friend will help you move a couch but a true friend will help you hide a dead body. — Libby Hinrichs Copy Share Image
“This is how I lose weight: Time to raid the stores and buy as much junk food as I can! OOPS! Oh,… — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
“I feel like I should have a formation and make the plantoon sergeants demonstrate how to put a condom on the correct… — Jessica Scott Copy Share Image
“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Crunches are an exercise where you lie on your back and angrily try to head-butt your crotch.” — Matthew Inman Copy Share Image
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Good acting is thinking in front of the camera. I just do that and apply a sense of humor to it. You… — Charles Grodin Copy Share Image
“It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks.” — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“The large bedroom was crammed to overflowing with family relics, and examples of the various arts in which Lady Emily had brilliantly… — Angela Thirkell Copy Share Image
“Her youngest daughter shrugged. “Ain’t got no money, do we?” “I don’t understand. Why aren’t you pillaging like the rest of your… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
I'm a bug on acting, which distinguishes Second City from a lot of other revues. It comes from the character, the behavior,… — Bernard Sahlins Copy Share Image
I just took a picture of my feet then side my best friend and me why because it will never stop kick… — MrCountry Copy Share Image
With Portlandia, I don't think our intention is always to find something funny. Sometimes the humor comes from taking something really seriously.… — Carrie Brownstein Copy Share Image
“Tracy and I were among the few girls left in our class who hadn't made it to the table as Todd's girl… — Elizabeth Eulberg Copy Share Image
“A king of a kingdom no one fucking knows about! I'm the tree in the forest that silently falls--when no one is… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Seriousness is no more a guarantee of truth, insight, authenticity or probity, than humour is a guarantee of superficiality and stupidity. — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
“I guess it’s worth a shot.” More than likely a wasted bullet, but I’ll fire anyway.” — Brandy Nacole Copy Share Image
Before comedy, I worked at a tech company, and before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Rock n' roll is at a standstill, I think - and comedy is taking its place as something exciting. — John Belushi Copy Share Image
“Illegitmi non carborundum ..O sea "que los carbones no te quemen tus legumbres" CANTINFLAS” — CANTINFLAS Copy Share Image
“You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras… — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“A cat is friendly in a hollow sort of way, like the way a prostitute is friendly.” — Jonathan-David Jackson Copy Share Image
There is a point in portraying surface vulgarity where tragedy and comedy are very close. — Barbara Stanwyck Copy Share Image
A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
My friends know that I have a silly sense of humour and I can be a little vulgar at times - but… — Carmen Electra Copy Share Image
“'Having' Your Cake…a little perverted… 'Eating' it too…a lot perverted!” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
“People can never be educated with education, they can only be educated with humor.” — Sneha Mehta Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“She had what I'd call a lemming ass - that is, an ass that you would follow right over the edge of… — Andrew Davidson Copy Share Image
“Yes I am sure I am Super Woman now add more Spanx to the spandex in my suit please ;)” — Kim Cormack Copy Share Image
The more trouble you get a man into, the more comedy you get out of him. — Harold Lloyd Copy Share Image
“This is best thing about being manly: it's so easy to fake. Smear some oil on your face, or nod and say… — Danny Wallace Copy Share Image
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent.” — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
“I swear to Go, if I see one of you girls anywhere near us, I'll have your prospective spouses whip you, fifties-style.” — Amelie Fisher Copy Share Image
Vellimoonga' has been a game-changer and I have handled comedy in almost all the films I did after that. — Biju Menon Copy Share Image
![“A king of a kingdom no one fucking knows about! I'm the tree in the forest that silently falls--when no one is around to be crushed! [Lothaire, Enemy of Old]” quote by Kresley Cole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c4/kresley-cole-334_ambition_a-king-of-a-kingdom-no-one-fucking-knows_910011.jpg)
