Humor Quotes · Page 177

“Wait until you see my socratic method, baby.”

— Cherrie Lynn

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I love shark week, all kids swim for free”

— Josh Stern

“Don't use your mommy ninja skills on me.”

— Ottilie Weber

Comedy is brutal. It's powerful, though.

— Mike Nichols

Apu I need a keg and a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg.

— Homer Simpson

It's funny how human beings are so entertained by crimes.

— Ludivine Sagnier

What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

— Russell Howard

Queen Elizabeth of England is the real fashion icon of the century. And she has a sense of humor.

— Carolina Herrera

That one password you use for everything and if anyone ever figured it out they could single-handedly ruin your entire life.

— Jugi Steady

My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah."

— Mike Stud

The Sneeze' is comedy - it's five short plays and it was Chekhov showing his comedic streak.

— Amanda Redman

I had an idea of what I thought was funny. It's kind of based on how I am.

— Jennifer Aniston

“And we all know how ladies get minks . . .” Popsy and Sandra chorused the answer together. “The same way minks get minks!”

— Suzy Duffy

My mom watches really obscure stuff on IFC. She's a real comedy fan. She knows everything that's going on.

— Kate McKinnon

My dad would always say, 'What can you do to make the world a better place?' Well, I can make people laugh.

— Jon Lovitz

“Will someone please tell me why you all call me 'Sparky'?" she burst out in frustration. "And if I get stabbed one…

— Josephine Angelini

“Well, really, how would you like to make love with someone who kept twittering about his pure mystic modality and wanted to…

— Malcolm Bradbury

“The Scientific Method is a wonderful tool as long as you don't care which way the outcome turns; however, this process fails…

— Cristina Marrero

“If you're asking all this because of Wendell, forget it. Wendell has a few marbles missing when it comes to women." I…

— Francisco X. Stork

“After you, Geekerella. I sigh - one BuzzFeed article and you've got a nickname for life, apparently - and wrap my free…

— Ashley Poston

I'm naturally inclined to want to be funny and make people laugh, and that's what I want to do with my life.…

— Casey Neistat

“I'm mad at your idiot coworker. Not you. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Why would you cheat on…

— S.H. Marr

“You like them," I realized. Noah's eyebrows lifted in question. "Like as people." "As opposed to...furniture?" "They're my PARENTS." "That is my…

— Michelle Hodkin

Trouble knocked on the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.

— Benjamin Franklin

“The best thing about a book is that you don't have to plug it in.”

— Joseph Voelbel

I always loved comedy growing up, I didnt watch a lot of drama.

— Renee Rapp

“If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.”

— Oscar Wilde

“A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him.”

— Jonathan L. Howard

I had a terrible job letting me do anything that wasn't comedy.

— Val Guest

“V.L.A.D.: Vampire League Against Discrimination.”

— Carrie Vaughn

“Men. You can't live with them... you can't legally drown them.”

— Jodi Picoult

Every Puff Of A Smoke,Keeps Your Heart Healing.Keeps Smoking.

— NizamShahbaaz

“Peace cannot be achieved; they have to be plucked out of their pod.”

— A.G. Phillips

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

— Bill Bailey

“An old fashioned outfit is not a costume, it's a comedy.”

— Amit Kalantri

I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.

— Sarah Silverman

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

— Rodney Dangerfield

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

— Bill Cosby

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

— Steven Wright