Humor Quotes · Page 175

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

— Jim Gaffigan

The Devil fears the word of God, He can't bite it; it breaks his teeth.

— Martin Luther

“All humans are insane, they exists because insanity exists.”

— Prakhar Bansal

“Easy in but not easily out, as the lobster said in the lobster pot!”

— C.S. Lewis

Comedy was an easy choice for me because I didn't have a career.

— Lee Mack

Laughter made you live better and longer.

— Gail Parent

“Idiot. I told you not to fight the horse thing.”

— Julie Kagawa

“You shut your whore mouth right now, young man”

— Haters Anonymous

New York City gritty committee pity the fool that act shitty in the midst of the calm, the witty.

— Pharoahe Monch

There’s always an article coming out, saying, ‘The new thing is funny women!’

— Lena Dunham

I just love action movies. People are like, 'What comedy movies did you grow up watching?' And I'm like, 'Not many.'

— Thomas Middleditch

The waltz is a very important part of my life. It's a very important way for me to express my positiveness, bringing…

— Andre Rieu

“Strange, her horoscope hadn't mentioned to beware of crazy kidnappers or demented desert sheikhs this week.”

— Lora Leigh

Money can't buy happiness, but it's a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

— Anonymous

“Laughter is illusion… But THE BIGGEST ONE, which you can ever encounter in your life.”

— Deyth Banger

I was in the Air Force and was a boom operator (in-flight refueling). I got my comedy start in the Air Force.

— Sinbad

“I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike…

— Wodehouse

It would be so irresponsible not to speak up. I don't know what I would do in my home and in my…

— Judd Apatow

“I have never heard any of your lectures, but from what I can learn I should say that for people who like…

— Artemus Ward

“Lavender Lady not go again," Kiki said in my mind. "I'll try to avoid it. No promises, though." She huffed. "Next time…

— Maria V. Snyder

“(Dad) could not abide us feeling sorry for ourselves. Life was far too good for us to whine about small things. It…

— Jean Kennedy Smith

“My father was a patient father. He was so patient that when he once saw a sign that read ‘Patient Entrance’ at…

— Shoeburn Ruffet

“I'll see you there little Red.' Fane’s voice faded out of her mind and she could feel his humor. Oh, wasn't he…

— Quinn Loftis

I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something…

— Jerry Seinfeld

If sex is love, every dog in this world loves every bitch!!

— Anonymous

Luckily, my mom and dad both have a pretty absurd sense of humor.

— Edi Patterson

Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

— Harper Lee

I have done 'Gutar-Gu,' which was a silent comedy show.

— Anita Hassanandani Reddy

“Celery as celery was bad. Celery fried was the work of Satan.”

— Kristen Ashley

“That was not a glare. That was a dignified look of measured contempt.”

— Brandon Sanderson

I was a rapper and did music before comedy. That was my first dream.

— Chris Redd

There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.

— Amy Sedaris

Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!

— Henny Youngman

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

— Winston Churchill

'Buried Alive' is a little scary, but also a comedy at the same time.

— Tobin Bell

“Laughter and enjoyment is the key to Entertainment.”

— IvoryjTaylor

“Stupidity and insults are often the bases of humor.”

— Arianna Tillett

As long as there's Big Momma, we're going to bring you comedy.

— Martin Lawrence

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

— Casey Affleck

Bitch, don't stand too close to the heater. Plastic melts.

— Amit Verma