Humor Quotes · Page 117

“Jesus: You picked the wrong Messiah to fuck with!”

— Rick Klaus Theis

I would love to do more family comedy.

— Jamie Bamber

“My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.”

— Brian Spellman

I don't know karate, but I know ka-razy!

— James Brown

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response.

— John Rhys-Davies

When a chick has a sense of humor, theres nothing more attractive.

— Dylan O'Brien

So many ethical battles..so many unethical participants!

— Mishan Amithab Kasiparsad

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Goddamn fatherfucking asshole politician moral paraplegic dipshit drag-queen bitch!”

— Dan Simmons

“Paying twenty-five dollars for me was your mistake, ma’am. I’m not worth more than fifteen.”

— Margaret Brownley

“How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?" "Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can…

— Mars Hill

I loved, like really, really loved, the humor in Jason Eisener's 'Alien Slumber Party.'

— Gareth Evans

“I'm going to ignore him, but he better fucking notice me ignoring him.”

— Van Krishna

People ask me if I have comedy writers, and I'm like, 'Are you kidding me?'

— Ana Navarro

“The poet is a faker / Who's so good at his act / He even fakes the pain / Of pain he feels in fact.”

— Fernando Pessoa

“Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph…

— Diane Ackerman

“Destiny is a funny thing. Once I thought I was destined to become Emperor of Greenland, sole monarch over its 52,000 inhabitants.…

— Ben Edlund

“Holy Moly Moses. Are youserious?” Shelly grinned at me. “Did you just say, Holy Moly Moses?” “I did, and I meant every word of it.” “I love how…

— Penny Reid

“I'd heard that if you saw a Reaper, you saw what you expected to see, what you thought the agents of Death…

— Lisa Shearin

“It’s like before when there was a huge pile up on the highway, as soon as you got to the point in…

— Katelin LaMontagne

“You are the strangest girl I've ever met," he said, like he thought I was joking. He picked up his water bottle…

— Katie Kacvinsky

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk.…

— Bill Bailey

You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people:…

— George Lopez

“...Falon sucked hard on her straw and swallowed. “You haven’t mentioned a girlfriend or a wife.” “That’s because I don’t have one.”…

— Robin Alexander

“When you lose, even the street dogs will bark at you.”

— Dr poison king

Comedy is deep and wild and I am excited about the mysteries within.

— Phil Elverum

“That shit was funny, but it ain't right.”

— Ernessa T. Carter

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny.

— Paula Pell

Wit and humor belong to genius alone.

— Miguel de Cervantes

“A lot of the world seems to repeat itself”

— Emma Donoghue

One always writes comedy at the moment of deepest hysteria.

— V. S. Naipaul

“This is the army! Nobody can do the best they can.”

— Henry Blake

“Without a sense of humor, you don't have much sense at all.”

— Pen

“We have truth in order not to die of art. ”

— Steve Aylett

In my household there is an insane amount of laughter and celebration.

— Edie Falco

“Get out of bed and feed me already, person!”

— Rachel Cohn David Levithan

“His nostrils flared, he was breathing like a picadored bull.”

— Jerry Spinelli

“Somebody has been fuckin my watermelons.”

— Cormac McCarthy

Just because we are intelligent doesn't mean we have to act like it!

— Rock Cowles

“Watch out. Bras are often booby-trapped.”

— Tiffany Reisz