I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“You took your meds today, right?" he whispered. I nodded. Then use this jar to save it." Save . . . ?"… — Kelley Armstrong Copy Share Image
