Hilarious christmas Quotes · Page 2

I'm going to regift something special for you.

— Anonymous

Thanks for going to the office holiday party in a Christmas sweater that's more embarrassing than my behavior.

— Anonymous

This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early.

— Anonymous

Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts.

— Anonymous

I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on having a Christmas tree that's more real than your breasts.

— Anonymous

I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

— Anonymous

Here's hoping Santa doesn't get killed using Apple Maps this Christmas.

— Anonymous

Let's make holiday plans comprised of me nursing a hangover while watching TV at home alone.

— Anonymous

May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il.

— Anonymous

If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December.

— Anonymous

Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food.

— Anonymous

You can milk a holiday party better than Brett Favre can milk an NFL career.

— Anonymous

I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

— Anonymous

My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.

— Anonymous

I wish Santa was a one percenter.

— Anonymous

I'm dreaming of a Christmas as white but not nearly as depressing as the Republican party.

— Anonymous

I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list.

— Anonymous

If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year.

— Anonymous

This is my favorite time of year to be childless.

— Anonymous

I can't believe you're alone over the holidays considering how easy you are to get into bed.

— Anonymous

All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

— Anonymous

Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway.

— Anonymous

Take comfort in knowing the booze I drank using the money set aside for your gift helped me get over the guilt…

— Anonymous

I hope being at your parent's house this holiday break doesn't drive you nuts since you may be living there soon.

— Anonymous