When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's a part of me that is angry. Not in the sense of, "Gee, George is an angry guy!" I mean, anyone… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Early in my career I was divided because I had the real self underneath: the lawbreaker, the anarchist, the person who swims… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
