Funny Quotes by Will Rogers

Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.

— Will Rogers

Nothing you can't spell will ever work.

— Will Rogers

Always drink upstream from the herd.

— Will Rogers

Americans will feed anyone that's not close to them.

— Will Rogers

I tell you folks, all politics is applesauce.

— Will Rogers

I don't know what humor is.

— Will Rogers

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

— Will Rogers

They are each good when they are out, and each bad when they are in.

— Will Rogers

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.”

— Will Rogers

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

— Will Rogers

You must never tell a thing. You must illustrate it. We learn through the eye and not the noggin.

— Will Rogers

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

— Will Rogers

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

— Will Rogers

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

— Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

— Will Rogers

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

— Will Rogers

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to…

— Will Rogers

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

— Will Rogers

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers…

— Will Rogers

I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and…

— Will Rogers

I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you…

— Will Rogers

My father was one-eighth Cherokee indian and my mother was quarter-blood Cherokee. I never got far enough in arithmetic to figure out…

— Will Rogers

Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.

— Will Rogers

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

— Will Rogers

You have to have a serious streak in you, or you can't see the funny side of the other fellow.

— Will Rogers

Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.

— Will Rogers

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

— Will Rogers

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

— Will Rogers

If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

— Will Rogers

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

— Will Rogers

Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.

— Will Rogers

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

— Will Rogers

You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.

— Will Rogers

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

— Will Rogers

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

— Will Rogers

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.

— Will Rogers

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.

— Will Rogers

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

— Will Rogers

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

— Will Rogers

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

— Will Rogers