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Congress Quotes by Will Rogers

38 Congress quotes by Will Rogers

All Congress quotes Will Rogers’s page

Will Rogers jokes that Congress is like a hammer in a baby's hands, ready to cause chaos. He says every joke they make becomes a law, and every law feels like a joke. The collection shows how people feel stuck with the same problems no matter who is elected.

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Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.

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I never lack material for my humor column when Congress is in session.

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The US is safest when Congress is in recess.

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We have the best Congress that money can buy.

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“If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?”

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If we took Congress seriously, we would be worrying all the time.

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“About all I can say about the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.”

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That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for -- to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury.

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With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

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You could transfer Congress over to run Standard Oil or General Motors, and they would have both things bankrupt in two years.

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We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is…

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When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law.

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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

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Congress knew Coolidge would veto the farm bill. There was more politics than relief in that bill.

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Labor Day, I suppose set by an Act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by, or against, Acts of Congress.…

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Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord, give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted…

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This stuff they are talking here in Congress costs the people of the United States $44 a page. That's beside what it…

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A senator got up today in Congress and called his fellow senators sons of wild jackasses. Now, if you think the senators…

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A foreigner coming here and reading the Congressional Record would say that the President of the United States was elected solely for…

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The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what…

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It sure did kick up some excitement in the Senate when one Senator called the other Senators 'sons of Wild jackasses.' Well,…

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And kid Congress and the Senate, dont scold em. They are just children thats never grown up. They dont like to be…

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And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say…

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Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for --…

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Borrowing money on what's called 'easy terms,' is a one-way ticket to the Poor House. If you think it ain't a Sucker…

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See where Congress passed a two billion dollar bill to relieve bankers' mistakes. You can always count on us helping those who…

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You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors.…

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Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read…

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Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.

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The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

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A president just can't make much showing against congress. They lay awake nights, thinking up things to be against the president on.

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If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

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The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

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Hurray! Congress is to adjourn! Only four more days of Congressional burglary on the Treasury!

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This session of Congress is also to relieve the farmer again, relieve him of any encouragement that he might have received during…

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Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em…

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All one has to do to get one's stuff in the Congressional Record is to find a stenographer that can stay awake…

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We cuss Congress, and we joke about 'em, but they are all good fellows at heart, and if they wasn't in Congress,…

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More by Will Rogers

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

We are always saying: Let the Law take its Course but what we really mean is: Let the Law take OUR Course.

The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt where money is concerned. It's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.

Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.

Politicians, after all, are not over a year behind public opinion.

American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

I don't know what humor is.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is…

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack…

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.

Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of…

So live that you would not mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip