Strange about learning; the farther I go the more I see that I never knew even existed. — Daniel Keyes Copy Share Image
“He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother?” — Johanna Lindsey Copy Share Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Time will explain it all. He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. — Euripides Copy Share Image
Best merchants are the ones who dictate cool, not those who try to predict it! — Kevin Plank Copy Share Image
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!"… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“So you're here by yourself?" “Yes." “Seems like an odd place to come by yourself." “I needed to get away." “Woman trouble?… — David Gilmour Copy Share Image
“You know, it’s crazy what a little perspective can do to your life. For example…cotton candy is not as great as everyone… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
I think disability is the last bastion of political correctness, and people need to see that disabled people are funny. You know,… — Liz Carr Copy Share Image
When I'm stalking my exes on Facebook, sometimes I think, 'I should have never let her go.'...but most times I think, 'She… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
Son: Dad, What's Between Mom's Legs ? Dad: Paradise. Son: What's Between Your Legs ? Dad: The Key For Paradise. Son: Piece… — Ali Bassam Copy Share Image
“I giggle a little at that, then firmly cut it out. No giggling. He is not funny. He is stupid and hypocritical,… — Leah Rae Miller Copy Share Image
