Funny Quotes · Page 78

Kindness it is that brings forth kindness always.

— Sophocles

Everything we do is based at adults.

— Ingrid Newkirk

“Drat! She'd invaded his hula hoop.”

— Virginia Smith

Sexy singles near you, but they are not interested.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's always funny to find what people's button is.

— Seth Rogen

You'll notice my eyes have sort of glazed over.

— Martha Plimpton

I am here to put out a positive athlete,

— Calvin Johnson

I think it's funny when stereotypes happen.

— Ralphie May

I'm actually a thin serious person but I play fat and funny, but only for the movies.

— Dom DeLuise

I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.

— Yogi Berra

Never buy a stock immediately after a substantial rise or sell one immediately after a substantial drop.

— Benjamin Graham

Girls work on their looks but not their minds bcoz they know boys are stupid, not blind

— Hussein Nishah

It cannot be when the root is neglected that what springs from it will be well ordered.

— Confucius

If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself

— H. L. Mencken

Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.

— Steven Pressfield

The funny response to 'One Mississippi' continues to be that people don't know what is true and what's fiction.

— Tig Notaro

Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill…

— Charles Dickens

What's great about having an audience is they can let you know what they don't think is funny, and you can just…

— Maggie Carey

It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the first episode, but he's…

— Stockard Channing

Why did the blonde send a blank letter to her husband in the army? They had a fight before he left and…

— Hussein Nishah

I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being…

— P. J. O'Rourke

That awkward moment; When two of your friends whisper to each other right in front of you and you just sit there…

— Anonymous

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats…

— Scott Adams

When you're experiencing what's happening right now, all of a sudden everything that happened to you in your entire life melts away.

— Bryan Kest

We're all gonna die, let's act accordingly.

— Frank Costello

The more I train, the more luckier I become.

— Renzo Gracie

Truth is in history, but history is not the truth.

— Nicolas Gomez Davila

Talk to the press and we'll bury you.

— Max Clifford

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

— Caroline Rhea

His laughter tinkled among the teacups.

— T. S. Eliot

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

— George Burns

“A fart is just your arse applauding.”

— Billy Connolly

Everything means nothing to me

— Elliott Smith

I row after health like a waterman...

— Jonathan Swift

Adversity is, to me at least, a tonic and a bracer.

— Walter Scott

It's a beautiful day to kill someone.

— Nikhil Saluja

What is the future you're creating right now?

— Erwin McManus

Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.

— Anonymous

An exact science is one that admits loss.

— Genesis P-Orridge

The art of life is the art of avoiding pain.

— Thomas Jefferson