Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial. — Arthur Adamov Copy Share Image
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We must not let the things we can't do keep us from doing the things we can do. — Richard L. Evans Copy Share Image
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Do u ever go on youtube thinking youll be on to watch a music video then later u find urself watching a… — Idil Honey Copy Share Image
What's hilarious is people taking photos and they think you don't know. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Like taking a… — Will Poulter Copy Share Image
Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Seeing A Cockroach In Your Sandwich Is Not A Problem... But Seeing Only Half Part Of The Cockroach In Your Sandwich? That… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Creatives are feared and ridiculed... and at the same time highly valued for their ability to see things that others do not. — Janice Tanton Copy Share Image
